✍️ Writing Practice A PERSUASIVE ESSAY

2 replies, 2 voices Last updated by debora paton 1 year ago
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    • #4834

      debora paton
      Student
      @depmi89

      THERE IS A PROPOSAL FOR A NEW LAW THAT WOULD ALLOW PARENTS TO MONITOR THEIR CHILDREN’S ONLINE CREDIT CARD PURCHASES AS LONG AS THEIR CHILDREN ARE IN UNIVERSTIY AND UNDER 21. WE WANT TO KNOW YOUR OPINION.

       

      To get started, I would like to bring the focus to the fact that parents monitor their children’s online credit cards purchases is an acceptable proposal. They do it in a bid to better look after them. Yet, if youngsters do not make mistakes, how are they going to learn?

      They are all supposed to go through hardship for the sake of growing personally. Rather, not all that glitters is gold and not only do parents pay all or most of their expenses but also they have a right to know what they are spending their money on.

      It is high time that many youngsters and parents realise that leaving students open to shopping online without any control, get them into trouble. Hence, this measure could keep a lot of them from getting into it.

      Parents indeed end up paying for their kid’s mistakes, and that is not fair. They have to learn by themselves and being aware of what is right and wrong, or otherwise, this will have far-reaching effects in their future lives.

      Were I them, I would control over their kid’s credit card use so that it might save families a lot of money. In a nutshell, this proposal for a new law will bring a new way to monitor the student’s purchases to make safer their online movements and anytime they feel some invasion of their privacy, they could always pay in cash.

    • #4841

      Jonny
      Teacher
      @jonny

      Good essay Debora. Spelling and grammar accuracy, the content are good. You have a great range of vocab and expressions but some of the passages are a bit hard to read because I think you use too many. Try not to overcomplicate things.


      To get started, I would like to bring the focus to the fact that parents monitoring their children’s online credit cards purchases is an acceptable proposal. They do it in a bid to better look after them. Yet, if youngsters do not make mistakes, how are they going to learn?

      They are all supposed to go through hardship for the sake of growing personally. Rather, not all that glitters is gold and not only do parents pay all or most of their expenses but also they have a right to know what they are spending their money on.

      It is high time that many youngsters and parents realise that leaving students open to shopping online without any control, GETS them into trouble. Hence, this measure could keep a lot of them from getting into it.

      Parents indeed end up paying for their kid’s (children is better, kids is informal for an essay) mistakes, and that is not fair. They have to learn by themselves and being aware of what is right and wrong, or otherwise, this will have far-reaching effects in their future lives.

      IF I WERE THEM, I would control over their kid’s credit card use so that it might save families a lot of money. In a nutshell, this proposal for a new law will bring a new way to monitor the student’s purchases to make safer their online movements and anytime they feel some invasion of their privacy, they could always pay in cash.

    • #4845

      debora paton
      Student
      @depmi89

      Many thanks! I really appreciate your feedback! It helps me a lot! ☺️

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